We chose foster care.  Foster care wasn’t our “Plan B”, it was our “Plan A”.  When my husband and I discussed having a family, we agreed that the way we were going to build our family was not going to be typical or traditional.  I enjoy telling people I have six kids even though only one lives in my house.  The awkward laughs are what motivate me some days.

Do I fault those who do sign up for foster care as their “Plan B”?  Absolutely not.  We all arrive at foster care for one reason or another, and all that really matters is that we arrive.

But hear me out.  Foster kids are used to being “Plan B”, getting put on the back burner, being low priority, coming in last…you get the point.  

At our last meeting with our 13 year old foster son’s social worker, we discussed the possibility that he might need braces.  She told us that at his next dentist appointment, we should ask for a referral to an orthodontist that accepts his state insurance.  

What she said next bothered me.  “You might need to demand that they refer you to an orthodontist”, she said.  “They don’t typically like to do that because, you know, they’re foster kids and they’re not a priority.”  She sighed and rolled her eyes.

I don’t respond well to people or providers who tell me my foster kids aren’t a priority.  And why should I?  

Why should foster kids be less of a priority than other kids (you know, like the ones who have private health and dental insurance)?

Why should they be treated as less than?

Why should they be told they’re not worth it?

Why should they have to settle for the leftovers, the handouts, the discarded?  

I understand that it’s not necessarily natural for people to choose foster care as their “Plan A”.  I’m not saying that anyone should refrain from having biological kids in order to participate in foster care.  I’m not even saying that having biological kids has anything to do with choosing to do foster care.  

Frankly, becoming a foster parent is a personal decision that you have to make and it really isn’t anyone’s business why or why not you make it.  We live in an all too nosey society as it is.  

But here’s my take:  If you are feeling led, urged, or otherwise moved to become a foster parent, MAKE THE DECISION.  Don’t make it the “when I get around to it – when my kids are older – when I move to a bigger house” decision.  Don’t make it “Plan B”.  Foster kids need to be a priority.