June is National Reunification Month in the foster care world.  As a foster parent, reunification is something that I have come to terms with as the ultimate ending in my role as a foster parent.  One of the pillars that defines foster care is that it is temporary.  Foster parents are there to stand in the gap – to take care of someone else’s children while the birth parents get a second chance at redeeming their own lives.  The concept of reunification is touted by the judicial and foster care system as the ultimate end goal, a happy ever after of sorts.

We have been through two reunifications in our four years of foster care.  While there were similarities, there were also many differences. 

In June of 2019, we said good-bye to two boys we had fostered for almost three years. To say it was difficult is an understatement. It was devastating, not only for us, but for everyone that grew to love them over those three years.  I knew, in the back of my mind, that I would survive that moment, that day, that weekend, that week, and the year after, but in that moment of good-bye, my only goal was to keep breathing.

Fast forward to October of that year and we accepted two different boys into our home. They only stayed for four months and while we dreaded saying good-bye, there was almost a sense of relief when they left…and guilt for feeling that way. The details of every child’s situation are different (and private) and you will not feel the same way about every child that lives in your home. I got my first and only hug from one of those boys the moment before his dad pulled out of the driveway, and that is something for which I will always be grateful.

One of the most common things we hear from people is that they could never be a foster parent because they could never give the child back. This is a legitimate fear. You are asked to love the child as your own, and then ordered to let them go.  There is nothing fair about it, but it’s something you learn to accept.

I wish for more time.  I worry about their futures. I wonder if I made a big enough impact.  

Though foster care reunification is often not idyllic as defined by my standards, I know that it is ultimately the goal – a good goal.  Do I always agree with the terms for reunification? No. But as we are often reminded,  our standards of living cannot be imposed upon the birth families.

Foster care is NOT a direct path to adoption.  Foster care IS the opportunity to stand in the gap for families who need a second chance.

Foster care is NOT just caring for a child.  Foster care IS embracing the whole family so that a successful reunification is eventually achieved. 

Foster care is loving a child with your whole heart, then allowing your heart to break so theirs can be whole again.

While reunification causes alot of heartache for foster parents, it is often a beautiful example of redemption. When foster families and birth families can unite for the good of the child, there is no greater joy than to see a family restored.